Things My Significant Other Says That Absolutely Take Me Out

I told my significant other I was making ravioli.

He decided it was a good time to run to the store.

I said, very clearly, “I’m starving, so I’m eating whether you’re here or not.” (Important context: I had been sick and without food for days. This was not a casual hunger. This was survival.)

He says, “That’s cool. I’ll eat when I get back.”

So I eat...or inhale...while a tiny, angelic voice whispers, "Leave some for him!"

Meanwhile, I'm fully aware that I should have added oil or something to keep the remaining ravioli from sticking together, but I was too hungry to care. Zero regrets.

He gets back later. After a short time, I ask if he ate. He says yes. Then, thoughtfully, he adds: “You know, with stuff like that, you really have to add oil so it doesn’t stick together.”

I say, “Yeah, I know. I was too hangry to care.”

I go to grab one of the leftover ravioli and immediately realize they’ve… bonded. Aggressively.

I say, “Whoa. They’re falling apart while stuck together in solidarity.”

He says, “Yeah, they're falling apart because I was trying to scoop them out.”

At this point, my patience is gone due to my persistent hangriness. I say, “Meh. It all turns to mush in your stomach anyway. Just eat it and shush.”

And then he says — with complete sincerity: “Oh yeah, I know. I just mean… I wouldn’t serve it to a customer like that.”

I pause.

I walk over so I can see him.

And I say, “Riiiight. You mean all those customers that come to our house for dinner?”

And then I lose it.

I laughed so hard I almost cried. I could not breathe. I could not recover. Who says that. Who is thinking about customers in their own kitchen.

He looks at me and says, “It’s not THAT funny, Con.”

It absolutely was. :D It's the little things that make us laugh sometimes.